KpacoTa CnaceT Mup-Beauty Will Save the World

(Quote from Fyodor M. Dostoyevsky's THE IDIOT, 1869)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Time...and holding on to God

Hubby had his Dr's appointment today. The lung cancer (Stage IV since diagnosis in 2006)), has progressed a little into the pancreas, and into some other areas. Also, the areas affected have increased. Some have stayed stationary. Some areas are still not affected.

He will start chemo again next week. Then he is off for 2 weeks. If he feels less pain, he may just continue with the Protocel, and no more chemo. Or he may take 1 or 2 more treatments. Either way, he will continue with the Protocel, as it has been helping.

So, the pancreas is not a good area. But, I'll be damned if I give up hope for someone who I love. With God all things are possible. I just hope that emotionally he can make it through, because that will dictate a lot of the physical.

I want to crawl into a ball and cry, out of fear. Will I have my hubby? Will I hold onto the house if he doesn't make it? Will I be able to care for my family? I know that he is scared. Who wouldn't be?

It's bad enough going through all of this, but to have so many other things on the plate just make all so much harder . Why can't I just cry, and be by myself, and do artwork, and try to muddle through and heal?The situation does not allow this.

But I have to put on my big girl panties. I just hope they work. No time for tears.


Jann said...

Oh, Lydia--I am sending you a big hug! And lots and lots of prayers!!!!!!!! Love, Jann

Jenny said...

Prayers are continuing. If there is anything else I can do, just call.

Diva Kreszl said...

Lydia, I am sending many prayers your way and asking God to wrap your husband in his loving arms as he goes through his treatments. Tears are to be released, not held back and forget the 'big girl panties', cry if you need to!

Deborah said...

Hello Lydia, thinking of you. I agree that big girl panties can be nice, but tears can be very healing. Many prayers and hugs to you and yours.
Big hug,

Laurie said...

I. Hate. Cancer. You don't always have to be strong - you can cry and scream and curl up in a ball for a while, too. I'm still praying. Hugs.

Lydia said...

I cry a little here and there. I don't want to fall into a pity party, because I have way too much to do to make sure we stay in the house, under either circumstance.

I love crying to release, but I have had times when I have become immobilized, and that just won't work here....because, essentially I am responsible for holding up the house, so to speak. That's all there is to it.

It gives me strength do the things that I do not want to do, so that I DON'T become immobilized.Even though I don't want to do them. I am actually pushing myself. I just hope it all works.

vivian said...

dear Lydia, soo sorry to hear this. You, your husband and your family will be in my prayers. Dont forget to take care of yourself too, so that you feel well enough to take care of your family. Its ok and perfectly normal to cry and feel fearful. Maybe talking to your pastor might help. keep us posted. I'll be here!
hUGs to you dear friend!

trisha too said...

this is a hard thing. many prayers for you and your husband and your family.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

(that's one of my favorites. we all need some peace, yes?)

Olga said...

Teta Lyda, Uncle Ken, you and the kids are in our thoughts and prayers always. Cecy says "um, hi... me, magic show, me dog, power up. i love you."

We love you and miss you.

nollyposh said...

Oh my goodness Lydia, dear Lydia (((hugs))) such a hard path to travel, i know... i will keep you and your dear hubby in my prayers xox